A state of existence
by olansamuelle
Summary: The line between existence and life is weak for a slave. Yet worth the risk.


**Title:**A state of existence

**Summary: **the line between existence and life is weak for a slave. Yet worth the risk.

**Character: **Naevia

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **None

**Spoilers: **yep. Do not read if you haven't watched the season completely.

**Notes: **prompted by LJ comm _**bloodandsandfic,**_ inspiration post#7. Picture 1: The one who sees and isn't seen.

_**OOOOO**_

_Spartacus._

_A beast disguised underneath a man's skin. _

_He betrayed Rome. How could he? How would the Gods bring such curse into this honourable ludus? _

_Domina knows. S__he believes the Thracian will only bring a bad augurium to the house of Batiatus, yet her words had not been properly received._

_Days ago I saw him draw blood, killing like an animal. Dominus named him. I could see the interest in his eyes, yet I would not understand._

_Until today._

_Only a few moments ago, as I stood by Domina before the empty impluvium, Dominus came, carrying news from the honourable man betrayed by the Thracian. _

_Yes, Dominus knew what to do with the Thracian he had named Spartacus._

_I could see the look of pride in Domina as he spoke, their hopes rising in prospect of their wishes finally fulfilled._

_The Thracian would soon find his death and everything would go back to normalcy in the ludus._

Naevia finished rubbing off Domina's essence from her fingers and returned to the room.

_**OOO**_

_I still shiver from his touch._

_How could that be?_

_He is Domina's, as I am. How could he be so bold? Does he think everything is ruled by the same laws as in the arena? He might be the champion upon the sand, yet he is but a slave inside these walls._

_Does he not have eyes?_

_Does he not see the way she looks at him, swelling with desire? Does he not hear her words, spoken soft, direct and low? Does he not feel the pleasure when he moves inside her?_

_Does he not have the same eyes as I?_

_**OOO**_

_Spartacus._

_A man turned into a beast._

_Betrayed by the Romans. How could they? How could the Gods allow such sorrow?_

_My heart, now swelling with love, breaks for him. _

_I silently walk inside, commanded by Domina to tend to my love's wounds. It almost feels like an offense to kiss him as my heart desires._

_Crixus is asleep, still weak from his wounds. I carefully take the linen cloth and caress his skin, pretending to clear the beads of sweat. _

_My eyes, now opened to things I never dared to dream, steal a furtive look towards my left. Besides lays a woman I had only heard about from Domina's lips. I had imagined a brute beast, a warrior, like her husband. Instead I found the beautiful face of a woman whose final breath had been closed with a placid smile, still dwelling in her lips, a gift to her love, standing there, broken, beside her, eyes red with no tears left to shed._

_Feeling an intruder in such grieving and private moment, I turn my eyes to Crixus, with a new understanding of the man I once believed an undeserving traitor and with my heart pressing my chest at the thought of being parted from my love._

**_OOO_**

_I still tremble from his touch._

_I will ache the rest of my life, for my eyes will not see him again, with the sole hope of having news of his victories inside the arena._

_My eyes were opened only to see our hearts ripped off._

_My fear remains for his hope, my trust now placed in Doctore, who I would proudly call my brother. I could not survive a shared fate of Crixus and Barca. _

_I was born in that ludus which now, beaten and humiliated, I leave behind._

_While my eyes were closed, I was safe. _

_Unseen, unharmed. In a permanent state of existence._

_Then I was seen. I was loved, I opened my eyes and lived. _

_Our dream was short lived. They crushed it. _

_He blames himself._

_I see him weep like a lost child and I wish I had been the docile shadow I had learned to be._

_I wish, but only for a moment. _

_I cannot pretend I don't know the meaning of living. For I have lived through our love, as short as it has been. _

_I do not care. It has been my life._

_My life._

_Now I am dead again. Fated to the shadows of an unknown future. _

_While my eyes were closed, I was safe. _

_They have been shut down._

_Still, I strangely feel more alive now than I ever dreamed of._

_**fin**_


End file.
